It’s Valentine’s Day not Doom’s Day Woman!

Having spent several valentine’s days post-separation/divorce (this is my 7th! Lol), I can tell you it gets easier once you change your narrative. Love is a verb, not just a feeling, it is a choice. If you understand this, you will be able to transform your life and find happiness in all you do. Through every life moment, we are frequently provided with a series of choices. Are we choosing to love unconditionally and intentionally finding happiness or are we getting caught in the commercial narrative of love which could lead to us feeling miserable? I understand that the central theme of Valentine’s Day is ‘love’ but sadly this our Love has so many misconceptions, which could easily make single female breadwinners loathe the day so much, I know I used to. So, I figured out, it all comes down to your narrative of love!

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, can you try to use this time to teach your kids and loved ones what love really is and the importance of making the people you truly care about feel special? The last thing you want is raising children who also grow up feeling miserable on Valentine’s day because they do not have what society preaches they must have. Our children watch and emulate our behaviors, how are you showing them that this isn’t about relationship statuses but expressing genuine love and care. One thing I know for sure is that no gift from a partner can compare to the genuine thoughtfulness of a child. The smiles, the hugs!

Instead of wasting time thinking about that marriage that didn’t work out, the relationship that could have been, can you try patting yourself on the back for doing an amazing job with yourself (whether or not life feels amazing to you, you are alive, you are a survivor!) There is nothing more salient than acknowledging where you are in your life presently and just being grateful for your journey. So go ahead and do something nice for yourself today; whether it’s some alone time, booking a spa date, buying yourself a gift, whatever brings you peace, just do it. There is nothing wrong with being single woman! Self-care and self-love are the necessary ingredients to staying positive and only when you are in this sound emotional and mental space will you attract other positive things and people into your life!

 Not everyone is built to be single female breadwinners but look at you lady, doing it with grace, give yourself some credit! Our children make our journey through life so much more worthwhile; I truly believe God makes no mistakes and you are definitely where he wants you to be on this Val’s Day. Spend some time loving on your children, play with them, those bursts of laughter, the extra hugs and kisses you receive will be totally worth it and most of all will give you the true meaning of what the word love means. You can also create annual events around this time for you and your kids, something everyone will look forward to every year, something that creates a loving atmosphere where everyone feels loved and truly welcomed.

I hope that you truly enjoy this day and become intentional about creating your own culture and narrative about valentine’s day!

Your friend,