Letting go after a divorce.

Feeling like a part of something can be the most amazing feeling and any threat to that can be devastating. I remember when my daughter stopped breastfeeding and literally spat my nipples out of her mouth, I almost died! I felt like I had lost that one connection that only we both shared.

The feeling of drowning is the closest thing to the feeling of loss during a divorce that I can imagine. Immense pressure on your chest, inability to speak, to breathe, time slowing and your vision narrowing. During a divorce, you kind of feel like this. Whether you gave your all or not, you feel like that one thing that you could call yours was slipping away from you, betraying your love, your trust, your friendship and you just couldn’t do anything about it!

Unfortunately, we live in a society that correlates divorce with failure, like it is the worst thing that can ever happen to you. They make it seem so traumatic like it signifies the greatest loss of hopes and dreams. A lot of times grief from a divorce is not necessarily just the result of saying goodbye to a partner, however imperfect, but more from the collapsing of all you have built together, the destruction of future plans and mostly the fear of not knowing where to pick up from and sadly, “what people would say”. The feeling of loss during divorce is inescapable!

As my daughter grew and insisted that I stopped helping her with certain chores like dressing up or choosing her outfits, I saw how much of her own person she was gradually growing into. Sometimes her selection of colors was a colossal mess but other times she looked simply amazing and it taught me about letting go.  Letting go can be scary but often it is extremely necessary. In the process, you will be knocked around and even fail but it is in letting go, no matter how difficult it may be, that you find your way.  It is wrong to continue to hold on to anything, person or memories that keep you stuck or unfulfilled. Letting go is a choice, one you must make to gain freedom and independence, one that gives you the right to begin to fly and to write your own stories.

Divorce is not an easy decision for anyone to make, but when you eventually do to protect your mental health, your life and that of your children in most cases, it can be the gateway to living your best life and finding yourself. If you have made the decision, let go of all you thought you knew, rediscover yourself and your purpose, do the things you were told you couldn’t do, love yourself, love your kids, be happy, live life a little.

Your friend,

Weyinmie..